I have so many things swimming through my mind right now. So many themes on which I could write. Seeing as it has been seven months since I last wrote it makes sense. Most of these themes are coming out of the Catalyst Conference I have been able to be apart of the last two days. The main theme that seems to connect all the different topics I've heard is that God isn't done with me yet. You may be thinking...well duh, why would he be done with you, you're so young, and all the other encouraging things people say when we believe lies.
But I think that part of me really believed that in some way since my time in Cote d'Ivoire is over (for now) God was over me for now too. In my head I know that God has a plan for all of my life and that until I stop breathing I will work toward His kingdom come, but in my heart I think I had given up. This is hard to admit since I have been practically drowning in Christian work since being back. Volunteering at church, volunteering as a mission coach, leading a small group. But I know that I haven't really been giving myself fully to much of anything. I have been spreading myself so thin in order to do everything, I don't think I have really been able to do anything well.
Today at Catalyst Andy Stanley said something that struck me "Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone." The truth in that is that by picking one person to pour into and build deep relationships we avoid two extremes. On the one extreme we work so hard to connect with and build relationships with everyone that we aren't able to get really deep with anyone. Or we escape and don't do anything for anyone because we are too overwhelmed with the needs.
So, God isn't done with me. In a way I was done with him. In a way I have been accusing him of taking away my dream to work overseas when in fact he has done nothing of the sort. Because I still have breathe, God isn't done with me. the story in my case hasn't ended yet. In reality, as I still draw breathe and live I have the opportunity to join with God's work here in Orange County and maybe even abroad. I am in a time of patience and waiting to see what God has for me next.
So instead of wishing I were back in Cote d'Ivoire or day dreaming about the future. I want to choose to be present. In the here and now, I am alive for the glory of God. And in this moment I choose Him.